it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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