you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
