yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
