non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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