if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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