on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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