He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
