so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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