I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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