forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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