ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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