Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
