I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
