i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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