just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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