I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
