I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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