so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
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only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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