the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
