I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
