Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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