One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
