He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
