New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
