Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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