So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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