Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
