I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
