i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
