I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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