please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
