I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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