i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
