I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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