a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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