Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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