I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We have started to decorate penises.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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