I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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