We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
