there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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