the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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