you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont even know how to be here
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
