just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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