he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
