bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
