Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
