I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
