Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
