i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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