when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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