He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
