Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
