my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
