i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
