Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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