Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
