so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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