Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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