Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
