dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
