Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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