i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
