Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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