I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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