i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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