what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
