dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Someone stole a lamp last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
